The transgression is a universal characteristic of adolescence, an age when the relationship with the educational and social rules is reviewed and, usually, questioned.
All this helps to facilitate the process of separation and individuation from parents, becoming a constituent part of the growth process.
There are attitudes transgressive phase specific and attitudes that may result in delinquent real.
If you psychologizes too the transgressive adolescent behavior, it runs the risk, however, of not knowing how to punish the seriousness of the transgression, disappointing expectations of the same teenager who unconsciously asking to be punished with a firm answer that reassures you that if you go beyond the limits, there is someone ready to stop him.
The values of the boys
The main values of today's young people belong to 4 areas: individual life, evasion, group life, personal commitment.
The boys say they have need of personal relationships, both within the family and outside it, in the social family, or group of friends, and what they need is solidarity and loyalty.
The group and the relationship then become priority over the individual, who denies any form of individualism, young people have the constant desire to communicate, as evidenced by the many activities that take place on the Internet and with new technologies.
Today's youth are cmq in crisis, are encouraged by the difficulties of the company not to leave their homes, and their future is not clear, they have a parent group but little individuality.
It seems that the guys showing how important values, values such as democracy, solidarity, freedom, which are intended as personal rights to redress and not as collective achievements.
Young people describe very different, they do not find common passions, but outwardly instead, you will see all similar.
The boys and rules
The eye of the children, the parents act in a united and democratic Europe in enforcing the rules, and there's a big difference from the 60's, when there was the figure of the head of the family who was the absolute repository of standards, while his mother it was the bestower of suffering.
Some guys are happy with the fact that the rules are established together with them, while in families where young people are excluded from decisions, creating disagreements.
In addition, when the father is not there, it is the mother who takes the reins, and that is often perceived as more severe and authoritarian, and on the other hand, the father is seen more empathetic and attentive to the needs of the child, cmq and in general, there are more affective relational methods of the past.
When parents respect the rules of society, they are consistent with what we preach, when it does not, however, the children perceive and evaluate this thing hurt their work.
Another thing that can create an inner conflict in children, is the inconsistency between the behavior of parents, for example when the mother says no, and the father tells you.
The trend of young people is to say that if there is a rule, there is a reason, the rule for them must therefore have a particular function.
For most guys the rule is essential to maintain balance in the house and avoid conflicts, and some children perceive the rule as synonymous with value, which will allow them one day to live in society.
Some even think that if all parents impose strict rules, the company would be better, and that if there were a world without rules, there would be chaos.
Some boys also perceive in the rule, a sort of demonstration of affection and protection from their parents.
Despite these admissions, the boys also recognize that it is difficult to submit to the rules, and then every so often they rebel, and to reduce these rebellions rules are thick agreed with the negotiation, where for example if we respect one rule you can get out more or They are less controlled by parents.
For some kids the rules are important to follow because they are associated to the figure of the parents, who are seen as a model to follow, and in this case it is hardly disputed, out of respect for their parents, and some think they repay the sacrifices made by parents, with respect for the rules.
While the rule can be perceived as something educational and something that serves the quiet life of the family, the other can be perceived as an unjust deprivation, and especially when it comes to rules on the outputs, the boys get angry easily, or even when they feel that their personal expression is prevented (by limiting opportunities for fun).
Parental rules are seen as unjust when they are perceived as arbitrarily imposed from above, without the possibility of bargaining.
The young pre-teens feel the need to start to discover the world on their own feet, they have to have autonomy, and this shift away from family is lived through the break with the parents, who are perceived to be too overwhelming.
However this is a required step, to be with a peer group serves the adolescent to have a clearer perception of themselves.
Today's standards are not cmq non-existent, only that are less restrictive and can also be criticized harshly by young people, unlike years ago when there was no possibility of objections.
Punishments
The boys report that they receive a lot of punishment by parents, and especially are rare heavy punishment, especially corporal, which are virtually extinct.
The lack of punishment, however, can be a problem because the boys may tend to conflict with the rules, if no one checks.
The most popular are the punishments of the outputs decreases and deprivation of leisure items.
The punishment that seems more hurt is the one where the consideration is subtracted and the family trust, is the punishment of emotional and sentimental.
Offenders
The three occasions by parents transgressions (as boys) are: the transgression of output times and return home, the behavior that they have at home to parents and brothers (disobedience, disrespect , pranks) and poor school performance.
It seems that kids understand that their parents are not cmq very strongly about the ethical values, the rule of God, the ideals shared socially, but that the real conflict is playing in the Membership Rule, the use of time that adults would it was more for them than for outside friends to the family.
It seems that kids are able to identify with what they feel the parents, that there are pragmatic rules, respect for love, where the son is able to empathize with the anguish of the mother who suffers when he is delaying the return home.
This is referred to unruly boys in that they obey the rules not so much in the name of important ethical values, but mainly in order to maintain the relationship with the family.
Friday, February 3, 2017
Parenting and teenage children (3/5): The prospect of children
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Friday, February 3, 2017 - 2:30 PM
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