Parenting and teenage children (5/5): Conclusions

Parents and Puberty
It therefore seems that there is a crisis in parental roles, a sort of reversal, now the mother works and has more authority in the home, and the father has instead almost a crisis of authority.
It has also a change with regard to the evolution of educational attitudes and affective experiences of parents that are triggered by the growth of the child process.
The peace reached with the rules of democracy, however, is undermined by the preadolescent period, where kids are changing and parents should take note, must neither ignore completely the thing, nor stifle it, otherwise it may affect the baby's development and you can have cases of eternal children, who do not detach from the family more.
The process of raising children is therefore influenced by the tuning of the parents to change their children.

Sexuality and rules
During middle school children start having their first experiences with sex, and that decrees the end of childhood and the beginning of preadolescence.
Compared to the past, today's parents are pleased with the sexual growth of their children, they are complicit, and sexual desire for children is not seen as a threat to the rules.
The children therefore are not raised with the obligation to respect ethical standards, moral, sacred, but it has a sex liberalization, no longer see sex as a sin that goes against God, but as something that grows.
Parents only hasten to warn the children of sexual or unwanted pregnancies of possible virus risks, and do not want to take advantage of the sexual phenomena to convey values ​​and laws.
Recent studies show that sex is no longer a major cause of guilt and problems in the family, it is now seen more naturally and indeed, unethical rules are easily observed and help to strengthen the relationship between parents and children.
Virginity is no longer a valuable asset to be preserved, but you share the belief that sex should be done with the right person at the right time.
Parents cmq, at this stage of transit, are more concerned about the character of the change that the acquisition of secondary sexual characteristics.
In the 60's there was the prohibition of sex for young people, parents educated their children to make them resist temptation, and these had to lie and sneak this by up to 68, and perhaps now the parents, who have lived that time, have understood that sex is a natural thing, and that should not be suppressed, and this has greatly improved relations with their children, making them more spontaneous and sincere.
Also feeling the guys, once they were concerned, they felt guilty for having transgressed on sex, but now at most are worried if they can not have relationships.

The redistribution of power
Today's children, arrived at a certain point of growth, demand more power, they want a by parents, and these little 'of power are less touchy of a time, and there is also a greater lack of respect towards them.
The children of today do not have much left to contest, because the rules are democratic, they ask for is just a little 'more than autonomy, which is usually granted and seen as legitimate thing as a fact of skills development and the son's abilities.
Parents of preteens han little time to devote to their children, for what they want autonomous, and have taught that the authority depends on the skills and ability to understand.
So parents also tend to defend the boys if they go against the teachers if they lack of respect because considered less competent, and when the boys reach pre-adolescence, parents are willing to give more autonomy, to share power with them, and they are happy, they see it as an act of growth, and so also repeal laws which are become inadequate.

The risks of hunger friends
The preteens feel the urgent need to have friends, and a desire to socialize even exceeds that of sex and to fight for more power.
Parents doing well this need, and indeed, they have raised them to make them of the good elements of society, independent from them and dependent social group.
Parents are not, however, agree on businesses that the group does, they fear that the emotional dependency from friends becomes a value-addiction that affects their child in the growth, and the main conflict between children and parents is that of how and how much socialization , what kind of control, at what times and to carry out such activities.
The boys are not happy with the time allowed for friends and more and more often claim the right to the outputs, especially in the evening, that is regarded as the greatest transgression, being able to be late when the other children of parents slaves are already in bed.
But also the family takes a lot at night, to have his son in house soon, for fear of dangers, and this creates many conflicts between the parties, which often result in punishment and house arrest.

The punishments
Today's sanctions appear monotonous, do not seem made to measure, are short, clumsy and administered without conviction.
Punishments are always kind of privative (outputs or pastimes) and parents seem to feel uncomfortable when they speak as if they perceived it as a failure of the educational system.

Scolded
Parents often use verbal reprimands loud, screaming.
The official goal is to be heard, and the tone and volume of voice they understand the gravity of the thing.
Contrary to what seems, scream serves to foster dialogue, it is a monologue that precedes a duet.
The parent who gets the apology and remorse, usually manages to get the ultimate goal of scolding: the promise that transgression will no longer be committed.
The guilt that cause pain to the son born by the affection, and the parent does play on this for their own purposes, and then the child does not obey through fear or submission, but for love.
Shame can be aroused if the child perceives that the transgression has disappointed the expectations of the parent, and nowadays it is easier to awaken in young people, the more the shame of guilt, and from this it comes cmq before.

Understand
The child must understand the parents' point of view, and understand that when they scream, this is not scripted, but that the feelings that are put into play are true, and that the parent who scolds is a parent who is suffering, and that it needs to be reassured.
The parents, however, educating the children so they have to pay a considerable price, because they reach an educational results but unethical.
The kids today are no longer afraid of the strength and determination of the parents, and no longer feel crushed by their skill, seem quite terrified by the weakness of the father and the sadness and loneliness of the mother.
The main problem of this generation of teenagers is to identification with a very pale or absent father and the mother's grief, and this creates the narcissistic fragility of children who come from a childhood where they were invested with a lot of expectations and functions, and where it has always been said "you have to understand", convincing them to be able to do things that really do not know.
The opposite happened in the past, it was said to the children "you do not understand, but to obey", and these when they grow up and understand disobeyed.
The narcissism of adolescents today derives from the fact that parents have very adultizzati and embellished them in terms of their value and their importance, and this as a result of rules made vague and lacking in values, only made to maintain the 'harmony in the family.
The family then started to create custom rules for its interior, devoid of history and values ​​of the sacred rules without cultural profile but very practical and useful to the peaceful internal coexistence, and some children remain in the home even after 30 years of life.
According to sociologists, the amoral familism is when the family is in the center and everything else is on the outskirts, a family that does not build more citizens, religious, soldiers or young people who are committed to change the history of the country.
They have so guys without rules, without a father, adored by a mother too fragile or important to be disappointed, depressed teenagers with parents in difficulty, because adolescence arrived, on the basis of "you have to understand," nothing works any more and rather, they are teenagers themselves to mock parents with behaviors that seem to say: "and now you try to figure it out."

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